The Stories We Know by Heart
What if the story you keep telling yourself isn’t the whole story anymore?
There are some stories we know so well we don’t even realize we’re still telling them.
I’m not talking about the stories we tell around the dinner table or laugh about with old friends.
I’m talking about the quieter ones.
I’m not good at that.
I’ve always been this way.
I need to keep everyone happy.
I should be further along by now.
Or maybe one of the biggest:
I’m not enough.
We don’t necessarily wake up and consciously choose these stories. Sometimes they’ve simply been with us for so long that they feel less like a story...
and more like a fact.
When an Old Story Gets a New Cover
The interesting thing about an old story is that it doesn’t always sound old.
Sometimes it just changes clothes.👚👜
I’m not enough becomes ↩️
I’m not doing enough.
I’m not successful enough.
I’m not far enough along.
Enough people aren’t noticing.
Other people are doing more.
Or simply:
This isn’t enough.
And the problem with “enough” is that someone keeps moving the goalposts.
Except sometimes...most times.....that someone is us.🫣
We reach one goal and move it.
We accomplish something and immediately notice what’s missing.
We receive encouragement and focus on who didn’t give it.
We make progress and look at how far we still have to go.
There’s always another but...
Yes, but I should be further along.
Yes, but someone else is doing better.
Yes, but it still isn’t enough.
Sometimes we aren’t returning to an old story because it’s true. We’re returning because we know it by heart.....and it's such an easy read......😮💨
Check the Copyright Date
So maybe the next question is:
When was this story written?
Because maybe it made sense then.
Maybe I have to keep everyone happy helped you feel safe or connected.
Maybe I have to be the strong one helped you through a time when you really did need to be strong.
Maybe I need to prove myself kept you moving.
Maybe I’m not enough was written long before you had the life experience to question whether it was ever true in the first place.
We don’t have to criticize ourselves for the stories we picked up along the way.
But every once in a while, maybe we need to pull one off the shelf and...
check the copyright date.
When did I start believing this?
Whose voices might be in this story?
Did it help or protect me in some way?
And does it still fit the person I am today?
Apparently, My Brain Thinks It’s a New Release
I had to laugh when I thought about how our brains catalog these things so efficiently.
An experience happens.
We make meaning from it.
A story gets filed away.
You’d think our internal Dewey Decimal filing system would eventually stamp some of those stories:
🚩OLD EDITION — PLEASE REVIEW BEFORE USING.
But no.
Something happens today that feels familiar, and suddenly our brain pulls that old story right back off the shelf as though it was released this morning.
📢NEW RELEASE!
There’s actually a reason these old stories can feel so automatic.
The more often we return to a thought or belief, the more familiar that pathway can become to our brain. Think of it like walking the same trail over and over. Eventually, the path becomes well worn, and it’s simply easier to travel that way again.
But a well-worn path isn’t necessarily the only path.
And a familiar thought isn’t necessarily a true one.
Maybe that’s why some stories are so easy to pull off the shelf.
We’ve practiced reaching for them.
That doesn’t mean we have to keep reading them.
Same story.
Completely different chapter of life.
And because we know it so well, we may not even realize we’ve opened it again.
But here’s what I’m learning:
Just because your brain has it saved doesn’t mean you have to keep opening the file.
An old story can explain where you’ve been without getting to decide where you’re going.
Maybe some stories aren’t meant to disappear.
Maybe they’re simply meant to have a shelf life.
We can acknowledge that they were part of our story without continuing to live from the same chapter.
And maybe we can say:
I know this story.🤓
I understand why it’s here.
But I don’t need to keep reading it today.
And put the book back on the shelf.
Who Gets the Pen Now?
Maybe that’s the bigger question.
Not:
How do I erase everything that came before?
But:
Who gets the pen now?
Other people may have contributed to our stories. Family, relationships, experiences, expectations—and even things someone said years ago that somehow stuck.
We can acknowledge those voices without handing them permanent authorship of our lives.
Maybe the questions become:
Is this actually true today?
Does this story still belong to me?
What do I want to write next?
You don’t need the next ten chapters figured out.
Maybe you just need the next sentence.
The next choice.
The next small step.
Some Stories Have a Shelf Life
This idea has been on my mind so much lately that it became the heart of my next live reflection class:
SHELF Life
Some stories weren’t meant to last forever.
On October 1, we’ll explore the old thoughts, beliefs, and stories we keep returning to - and what can happen when we decide they no longer get to write what comes next.
This isn’t about erasing the past or forcing ourselves to think positively, which IS a thing....
This is about getting curious about what’s on our shelf - and remembering that we get a say in what gets written next.
Before you go, I’ll leave you with one question:
What story have you been reading for so long that you stopped questioning whether it was still true?
Maybe you don’t have to rewrite it today.
Maybe you just need to notice it.
Check the copyright date.
And remember...
The old chapter doesn’t automatically get the next page. 💕
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